Funny stuff!

OK, It is time to get funny! I thought I would share some funny stories to give you all a laugh or two! these are some of the funniest stories I know! All are true, just some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Wade and Lane were neighbors, and good Buddy's! They would always give nice gifts to one another especially at Christmas time! ( and no they are not gay! And for the record I have nothing against gay people!)
Lane was the Cowboy type and really got into the Garth Brooks scene back in the mid to late ninety's! Both Lane and Wade rode horses, and cowboyed up! What ever that means!
One day Lane bought a Garth Brooks shirt for Wade, the ones with all the cool buttons you know! Wade had commented on several occasions to Lane that he loved his awesome heavy starched, loaded button, Garth Brooks beauty! Wade was so touched by the kind gesture, and kind of embarrassed that he did not have a gift to give Lane, so he said to Lane, "You know buddy, I have something for you that I have been saving for some time now." He went and got a gift for Lane, it was an awesome Harley Davidson replica model/toy size motorcycle "Here he said," handing the Harley to Lane( totally trying to redeem himself)," I've been saving this gift for you!" Lane took a look at the gift and said with a laugh "Wade you sucker, I gave that Harley to you two years ago for Christmas!" Wade was so embarrassed with his attempt to re-gift a gift that had been given to him, by his good buddy himself! His face turned red and he said" I knew it reminded me of you for some reason!"

Sam and John were business partners, they were in the home building business, they built and sold homes in a PUD where they had quite a few elderly people. Sam really did not care to much for John, but John did not know that! John had a few, OK a lot of issues! Balding was one of them! he opted for hair transplants, and would let the new sprigs of hair grow long and then would perm, and kind of fluff his proud new mane!
Merril was a retired contractor, he was bored to death, and probably would do anything to get out of the house, and away from the wife. He would come out when he heard the guys diesel truck, and he would want to "hang out with the guys" One day Sam and John came to his door, Merril noticed Johns proud mane and said " John, It is just like you guys with all that hair fluffing it all up to make us bald guys feel bad!" John said, "Well thank you Merril, actually these are hair transplants!"
Merril looked at him and said "You mean you had a choice, and you choose THAT!"
Sam almost fell to the ground laughing! I don't think John was too amused! But he kept the fluffy mane the same!

This story CRACKS me up BIG time! I still laugh about it to this day! Where do I begin, It was Halloween time and a few of my friends in well, I would say college but that would be a lie, because I did the college scene, minus the school stuff ( AKA street smart, not book smart!)
We decided to go a dance club, and well hang out and dance! We go a flier for the dance, it said the cost was $5, or $4 with a costume, and then it said $6 with a can of food! Well one of my good friends who I shall keep anonymous had made plans to meet a guy there, so she was excited to go! Well we found out about another party and changed plans, but my friend had made plans to meet someone so she decided to go to the club alone anyway! I told her about the flier and that if she brought a can of food she would get $1 off! I really thought that it said that, and yes I am a true blond! So here is my cute friend waiting in line for the dance club, all by her self with a jumbo can of baked beans so she can get a discount! She gets to the front of the line and hands the can to the ticket guy and says "here" He looked at her confused and said "why are you giving me this can of baked beans?" my friend said "Don't I get a discount if I brought a can of food?" The flier was a joke, it actually said you would pay $1 MORE with a can of food, not get a $1 off! They all laughed and gave her $1 off anyway because they felt so bad for her, or maybe they thought she was cute, who knows! But needless to say she was not to happy with me for ditching her, and then accidentally pulling a fast one on her! I can just picture her standing there with a can of baked beans in line for a dance club! Too Funny!

These are some funny things my kids have said!

One night when Brexan was 4 or 5 years old, we were reading the scriptures. We had the scriptures for the family the ones that highlight words, and explain what they mean so children can better understand the scriptures. We were reading along, and came to the word mercy, "whats mercy?" Brexan asked me. I looked at Eric for some insight on how to explain mercy to a 5 year old. Brexan looked at me and said. "Mom, Don't ask Dad, he's a skate boarder, he doesn't know much about God!" I had to laugh and still do when I think about that story!

Around Christmas time we were walking through Lowes and we saw all the big blow up Santa's etc. Dylan was about 4 years old. He saw a big frosty the snow man. Dylan looks at frosty, and then looks at me and said "Mom, why does he have a hammer in his mouth?" I did not quite know what to say, or how to explain Frosty's little smoking habit! I mean really, a man made of snow smoking a pipe, wouldn't he melt???

OK so for those of you who know me, you know I talk to my kids about what is OK, and what is not OK, I have the talk often about it not being OK to touch anyones privates, or to let anyone touch our privates etc. So we had been discussing this topic the night before we went to Sand Hallow reservoir. The next day we were walking down to the water, and a man was riding his four wheeler coming toward us. one of my boys (I wont say who) said, "Oh NO, There's a MAN, he wants to touch my penis!" I then had to explain that not every stranger wants to touch our privates! I am probably doing more damage than good. Now my kids are freaked out about everyone that they don't know being a child molester!

One day we were driving down the road and Stetler asks me "Mom, is my Dad a STONER?"
I think he meant stone mason ( which is what he does for a living, so technically he is a stoner, minus the drugs and mullet!)
I was not quite sure if I should discuss Eric's High School days with him at such a young age! J/K He was not a stoner in High School either! ( Oh and for the record I have nothing against stoners or mullets OK Trent!)

One day I was tending some kids, their Mom and I would trade off taking them after school. I was getting upset with my kids ( very unusual Ha Ha!) and one of the boys said to me " You are not as mean as my Mom, ( me feeling a bit better about myself!) Your MEANER!!!