Thoughts on being a Mom

Do you ever look at your pictures of your family and friends and it hits you...
Man I am so blessed! Way too blessed to be complaining so dang much, way too blessed to ever feel like I want to pack my bags, and leave on the next one way flight to Egypt, or somewhere far far away!
I was just looking at my last post with pictures of the happenings over the last few weeks, and I realised, I really do have a great life! It is fun! Most of the time, so why is it that I get to the end of my rope so fast, and almost every day?
I have always dreamed of being a mother and a wife, I can't remember a time when I was not thinking about it from the time I was 12 and even right after I would have a baby, I would be thinking of when I would get Pregnant again. I know, I am crazy especially because pregnancy did not look good on me at all! I know my husband really loves me because he still made me feel beautiful ,and loved even when he could barely get his arms around me! So back to what I was getting at. I really have a hard time with this being a stay at home Mom dream that I had always dreamed of, you see its because when I played house with my dolls it was so much fun, because dolls don't cry, or have colic, and you can put them away on the shelf when you want to go to sleep for a whole 8 hours! They don't poop, or puke, or make messes ALL day long, or fight with the other toys in the toy box! you don't have to wash their laundry every day because they don't get messy, and they don't have to be potty trained! They don't talk back, or need help with homework, they don't beg for things at the store in fact you can leave them at home with out a baby sitter! They don't beg to sleep in your room, or wake you up because they had a bad dream, they don't have to be fed and bathed every day so you get the idea! I had a false realization of motherhood! And to be honest I suck at it most the time! My house is a mess, I am usually in a moo moo most the day! My car is a mess, and I feel like I am trapped in a messy nightmare most the time! See I am a complainer big time! I guess I just thought being a Mom would be the one thing I would not suck at! OK enough already, I know that was what you were thinking! I know that I am too hard on myself ,I know, I really know! But I want to know, why is it that as Moms our bags are always packed, and ready, because we are going on a GUILT TRIP! I mean really, kids should come with a warning label! WILL CAUSE EXTREME GUILT! But for Mothers only! I mean do husbands ever feel guilty??? Mine doesn't, he could go months with out reading them a story, and do you think he feels one ounce of guilt? Oh no, guilt was not invented for men, maybe that was another one of Eves curses, as if labor was not enough! Anyway I am tired of feeling guilty all the time! I feel guilty if I don't play with my kids enough because I have 400 loads of laundry to fold, and then I feel guilty if my house is a bomb because I actually gave my kids some quality time! It is a double edge sword! Today a friend came over to get some bows, and my house was of course a complete disaster! The up stairs was OK but the down stairs oh my gosh! There should have been a do not enter/ enter at your own risk sign! I was organizing all my ribbon stuff, and Ava was of course helping me! Oh my, it was a sight! And my friend needed to come down stairs to see some other stuff, and I really felt like a looser! She said it made her feel better to know she was not the only one who had a messy house most the time. I really doubt it! I am glad to know that I can always assist my friends in feeling better about their own lives! So here is my other question, why do I feel that my self worth is reflected by my house being clean, when I am not the one messing it up all the time, I am the one cleaning it all the time??? And it is such temporary pleasure! I hate doing the same thing over and over again! Sorry I know more complaining! I guess I am trying to say what if we all did ourselves a favor and took a good look at all the good we are doing, instead of measuring our selves on our Tuesday worst,to every ones Sunday best! What if we could really see ourselves from eternal eyes, from Gods eyes! I think we would be amazed! I know how proud I am of my kids even when they do ordinary things, can you imagine how proud our Heavenly father is of Mothers! Especially stay at home Moms, not to discount working Moms!
Can you imagine him looking down with loving eyes as you hold and comfort your crying baby at 2am, or as you rub your little ones bellies when they are sick? Or when you give up your own needs for theirs. I know he is so proud of us, for all that we do every day! He really could not do his work if it were not for us! After all who would have the babies if it were not for us? The world would cease to exist! Have you ever thought of that? I am going to try harder to let myself just BE! Messy car, house, and hair! My motto is take it or leave it! I mean really am I my messy house, car and hair? NO! I am my spirit! I am a divine daughter of our heavenly father! I know who I am, I know why I am here! And it is not to feel guilt, or have a perfect house! It is to live 100% in my spirit! Loving, giving, and serving! I know that I am an open book and that some of you reading this might think, man she really should go private! But I guess I feel like I am proud to be and open book! I am proud of what I believe in, and the things that I stand for! I am proud of the person I am becoming, I know who I am! I am a mother! A stay at home mother to 5 beautiful healthy kids! I am blessed! Blessed to be stressed! And I needed to write this tonight, not for you, but for me! To remind myself of who I am, and why I am here! I am so thankful for the knowledge that I have! It gives me strength when I am about to lose it! It keeps me focused on what really matters, and where true happiness comes from! I know this is long! I am a woman of many words! My husband usually falls asleep during my prayers because I have so much to say! Thank goodness the minutes to heaven are free, or I would be in debt big time! I actually am! For all my many blessings!
Well my neck is killing me and it is after midnight, so I will end! I feel so good when I write, It is a release for me! I hope that if you relate you feel better about being a Mom, just a stay at home mom! You know, there really is no place I'd rather be! Home sweet home!